It's The Experience
by SuthrnSftblGrl
Summary: Spencer and Ashley break curfew, Spencer blows up at Ashley then wants forgiveness.


Disclaimer: I don't own them, I'm just using them. Don't hurt me.

A/N: I can't get this song out of my head. I haven't sung a song this constantly since I first heard "On Fire" by Switchfoot. So, out of it I came up with a fic. It may make no sense at all and be completely terrible, but at least the song is good. Which, by the way, I don't own either. It's called "Why" and Jason Aldean sings it.

_Does it always have to come down_

_To you leaving_

_Before I'll say I love you_

_Why do I always use the words_

_That cut the deepest_

_When I know how much it hurts you_

_Oh baby why, do I do that to you_

It was so clear in her head. Their latest fight was depriving her of sleep. It had been a while since Ashley left and every word she had said still echoed in her mind. She didn't understand why she had done it. It was in the heat of the moment, she knew that much, but she wouldn't even say some of the things she had said to Ashley to her worst enemy. Ashley hadn't meant to tell her parents they had been dating for two months, it just slipped out. It had almost slipped out of her mouth and she wondered if she would have done it had Ashley not been quicker to defend them.

They had snuck into the Carlin house way past Spencer's curfew. They both knew their chances of getting caught, but they didn't care. They had spent the day on the beach just being themselves. Something they couldn't do at Spencer's house. But when they walked in the front door there sat her parents at the bottom of the stairs. Spencer was so panicked about having missed curfew she completely forgot about the warm hand holding so tightly to hers.

"Spencer Carlin where on earth have you been? It's way past your curfew." Paula said standing up from the stairs. Her eyes immediately went to the hands holding each other so unashamedly. She quickly looked back up to hear Spencer's excuse.

"Mom, we were just, I mean see we went to the beach and the traffic was…"

"Spencer this may be LA but traffic isn't THAT heavy at 12:30 at night."

"Paula calm down, it's not that big of a deal. She's only an hour late. At least she came home. She could have stayed out all night and not called or anything."

"Why are you taking up for her Arthur? You know what she did was wrong."

"Look, Mr. and Mrs. C it's my fault that Spencer is late. She wanted to leave the beach to be back in time but I wouldn't leave."

Spencer glanced at Ashley from the corner of her eye. Of course she was lying to keep her out of trouble. She knew Ashley would do anything for her. But she also knew her parents, more directly her mom, wasn't going to buy it.

"Ashley stop lying to cover up for whatever it was you two were doing out so late at night. Why is it so hard to just tell the truth? You're already in trouble Spencer, I'm sure whatever it was you were doing won't add on too much to the punishment you already have coming your way."

'_You have no idea.'_ Spencer thought to herself. She had to think of something believable but it was like her brain wasn't working. The only thing she could think of was the day she had just had with Ashley. It was perfect and she wasn't going to let her mom ruin it all. She was about to say the first thing that came to her when she heard Ashley talking.

"Ok, the truth is we honestly just lost track of time." Ashley said

"What could you have possibly been doing that made you a whole hour late?" Paula almost yelled, and it was easy to tell she was losing her cool rather quickly.

" Mom don't yell at Ashley, this isn't her fault."

"I'm sure it isn't sweetie. Paula come one, let's talk about this in the morning. It's getting late and I'm sure Ashley has to get home." Arthur tried to pull Paula away but she snatched her arm from his grasp.

"No this is going to be resolved tonight. Spencer, you need to find other friends to hang out with because you're not allowed to see Ashley again."

"But mom that's not fair!"

"I think it's very fair. She's a bad influence on you and tonight proves my point."

"Dad, tell her that's not fair."

"Paula she's right, you can't keep her from her best friend."

"Arthur this is not up for debate."

"Spencer's not just my friend, she's my girlfriend. She has been for two months now." Ashley shouted without thinking.

And there was silence. Spencer dropped Ashley's hand and stared at her with a nervous look on her face. Paula stared at them in shock. Arthur just looked at them like it was the most normal thing anybody could have said to him. The silence drug on forever until Paula finally broke it.

"Ashley, I think you should leave."

"No, I need to talk to Ashley right now." Spencer said and the harshness in her own voice surprised her.

"Spencer, is it true? Are you and Ashley dating?"

"Yes. Come on Ashley, we need to talk. And do not even think about following us mom." Spencer said dragging Ashley out the door.

"Spencer.."

"No Paula, let her go. We can all sit down and talk about it tomorrow." Arthur said and this time we he tried to pull Paula upstairs she reluctantly went with him.

Ashley had been leaning against her car for the longest time watching Spencer pace back and forth in front of her. She finally worked up the nerve to break the silence.

"Spencer I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say that. It just kinda came out."

"Ashley I told you I wasn't ready to tell them, why couldn't you just accept that?"

"I said I was sorry. You know I would never tell them when you made it clear that you wanted to wait until you were ready."

"And I'm supposed to believe you? You want to know what I think. I think you did that just to piss my mom off."

"I can't believe you just said that. I would never hurt you just to get a rise out of your mom Spence."

"Do you know how much hell I'm about to be put through. And it's all because of you. Everything in my life is going to be so screwed up now. Thanks a lot Ash."

"Well excuse me for screwing up your life. I didn't know me loving you would be such a bad thing, but I guess I was wrong."

"I guess you were. Of all the times I've gotten in trouble because of you, this one I'm sure will top them all."

"Spencer, you don't mean that. You love me." Ashley said becoming more hurt by Spencer's words and the argument went on.

"I do mean it and I don't love you. Maybe I should have listened to my mom when she first told me you were bad news. I didn't think anyone could bring as much trouble to my life as you have."

Spencer was running off of complete fear. Nothing she was saying was registering in her brain at the time she was saying it. She knew she couldn't put off telling her parents forever and when Ashley had said it the first emotion that ran through her was relief, but it quickly turned to fear when she thought about how her life would change.

"Well I'm glad I know how you really feel. Now you can go in there and tell your parents I made it all up and we haven't been sneaking around behind their backs for the past two months. I'm sure they'll have no problem believing their perfect angel of a daughter."

"Whatever. Go ahead and do what you do best, run away."

"I'm not the one running Spence, you are."

And with those last words Ashley got in her car and sped off, not once looking back and the girl who had just tore her heart all to pieces.

_It's 3 AM and I finally say_

_I'm sorry for acting that way_

_I didn't really mean to make you cry_

_Oh baby, sometimes I wonder why_

_Does it always have to come down_

_To you leaving_

_Before I'll say I love you_

_Why do I always use the words_

_That cut the deepest_

_When I know how much it hurts you_

_Oh baby why, do I do that to you_

It was three in the morning and Spencer still hadn't gotten to sleep. She needed to apologize to Ashley and she needed to do it right then. She had no idea what made her say all those things but she knew she didn't mean any of them. The look on Ashley's face when she was getting in her car tore her heart out, so she could only imagine how Ashley felt when Spencer was yelling at her. There wasn't even a real reason to be mad at Ashley, and Spencer knew it wasn't Ashley she had been mad at. She hadn't been mad at all. She was just scared. She had to explain that to Ashley before she lost her for good. She loved her so much and contrary to what she remembered telling Ashley, she was the best thing that had happened to her since she moved to LA.

Spencer jumped up quickly and grabbed her cell phone off her dresser. She hit 1 on her speed dial and the phone started ringing. She was scared Ashley wouldn't answer her phone call or that she was sound asleep in her bed. After four rings she heard the voice she already missed so much.

"Hello?" Ashley said, but Spencer noticed she didn't sound like she had been asleep.

"Hey Ash, can we talk?"

"Oh I think you have already done enough talking for today." Ashley snapped.

"Please, I need to explain. Just come get me and let's go to the beach."

"Spencer I really don't think that's a good idea right now."

"Come on, if you don't like what I have to say you can bring me back home and never speak to me again. I deserve it after what I said to you."

"Ok, I'll be there in a minute."

Before Spencer could say anything else she heard a click. Ashley was beyond mad and Spencer was sure she deserved so much more pain than she knew Ashley was going to give her. She was genuinely loved by Ashley and she knew it.

She snuck down the stairs and sat on the front steps waiting for Ashley to come. It hadn't been five minutes when she saw her car pulling up to the curb. She got up and went to the car. She opened the door and got in and the silence was already something she couldn't bare. She was usually greeted with Ashley's perky 'Hey baby' and a smile. Not this time. If she didn't know any better, she would say Ashley was glaring at her from the corner of her eye.

The ride to the beach was so uncomfortably quiet. Well, it was for Spencer. Ashley enjoyed watching her squirm in her seat. Ashley parked the car and got out, still without saying a word. Spencer concluded Ashley was damn good at the silent treatment and knew she would have to work ten times harder to fix it than she did when she involuntarily screwed it up.

They sat down in the sand and Spencer carefully went over everything she needed to apologize for. She didn't understand how she could have said everything she did without even really realizing it, but now that it was all over everything was so clear to her. She figured this time she would think wisely and plan before she spoke.

_I know I'd never let you walk away_

_So why do I push you til you break_

_And why are you always on the verge of good-bye_

_Before I'll show you how I really feel inside_

_Does it always have to come down_

_To you leaving_

_Before I'll say I love you_

_Why do I always use the words_

_That cut the deepest_

_When I know how much it hurts you_

_Oh baby why, do I do that to you_

"I'm so sorry for every hurtful thing I said to you." Spencer almost whispered through tears she hadn't even realized she was crying.

"You should be. You have no idea how bad you hurt me."

"You do know I didn't mean any of it, right?"

"How can you say all those things and not mean them? You weren't backing down, you stood completely behind everything you said to me."

"Look, I was scared Ashley. I was scared of what it meant to not have to hide from my parents anymore and I was scared of what they would do once they knew. I wasn't really mad at you. I wasn't even really mad at all, I just acted out of fear. I know it wasn't fair to take it out on you, but you were the closest one to me in the situation."

"So that makes everything ok? You said that you didn't love me and that me loving you was a mistake that screwed up your life. Do you have any idea how it feels to have somebody say that to you?"

"No." Spencer whispered.

"Do you want to get the general idea, because I could tell you everything you told me."

"If that's what you want to do then I deserve it."

Ashley thought for a minute. She could never say those things to Spencer. And she knew no matter how bad she had been hurt, her ultimate decision was to forgive Spencer. She understood that Spencer was going through a tough time but wanted her to understand that she couldn't just take it out on anyone who was around, especially her because she did not want Spencer to hurt he like she had ever again.

"Spence I would never do anything like that to you. No one deserves to be hurt like that."

"I know, and you will never know how sorry I am. Please forgive me. I'll do anything you want me to do."

"I don't want you to do anything, I just wanted to know why you did it. Spencer, I know this whole gay thing is new to you but you can't just lash out at the first person in your path. You will hurt so many people if you do that and I guarantee you they will not be as forgiving as I am."

"I know. And I promise..."

"No, you can't promise anything. You can't promise that it won't happen again and you can't promise that you won't hurt me again. Don't make promises you're not sure you can keep."

"Ok, I won't promise those things. But I can promise that I will always love you."

"You know it's going to be hard for a while to believe you when you say that. I can't just get over the fact that you said you didn't love me, even though I understand why you did what you did now."

"It's ok, just know that I do and nothing will ever change that. So, am I forgiven?"

"Yea, you're forgiven."

Both girls got up and locked in a warm embrace. Neither of them could remember a time when they felt so relieved to be hugging someone. It had only been a few hours ago that both of them had wondered if they would ever be this close again. They unwillingly pulled back and their eyes locked. Spencer leaned in to kiss Ashley, but she pulled back.

"You honestly think I'm that easy?"

"I was kind of hoping you were."

"Well, normally I'm not. But since you're so damn cute when you act innocent, I guess I'll give in this time."

Spencer just laughed and leaned in again to kiss Ashley. This time Ashley didn't pull back and in that moment they were both completely at peace. Neither girl had ever had a kiss that was filled with so much longing and need. In the background the sun was coming up and it didn't go unnoticed by either girl. They both reluctantly broke apart to watch the most beautiful thing, besides each other, that LA held. The sun rise.

"This is a pretty perfect way to start off the day."

"Yea, anything beats the way yesterday ended."

"Way to ruin the moment Ash."

"You know me, it's what I do best.

Spencer just smiled. Ashley may have ruined their moment on the beach, but Spencer had ruined their perfect day. Even though Ashley had forgiven her she didn't think she would ever be able to forgive herself. She was lucky to have somebody like Ashley to love, and more importantly to love her. She promised herself she would never hurt her ever again. Even though she couldn't make that promise to Ashley, it was something she had to promise herself. At least if she promised herself she would always be conscious of it if they got into another argument. But Spencer hoped they would never fight again. It felt like her world was falling down all around her when she and Ashley weren't on good terms and she never wanted to have the feeling again.

She would worry about the confrontation with her parents when that time came. But for now, she was going to enjoy watching the sun rise with the person she loved more than anything else. Taking one thing at a time would make her life so much easier, and she understood that now. She took Ashley's had in hers, a feeling she had missed since the night before when she had dropped it like it was nothing. No, she would never do anything like that ever again. And sometimes you have to experience something to be so sure of it. She now knew that for a fact.

"Come on baby, we better get you home." Ashley said so low Spencer almost didn't hear her. She turned and started walking back to the car, but Spencer pulled her back.

"Ashley."

"Yea?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

_Why do I always use the words_

_That cut the deepest_

_When I know how much it hurts you_

_Oh baby why, do I do that to you_


End file.
